"Lady, it’s official, your boy is a big fag."

In 1996, Jake Shears (Scissor Sisters) had "that chat" with his parents while spending their holidays in Las Vegas.

For spring break, my mom and dad wanted some family time, so we flew to Las Vegas. (...) Keeping my sexuality from my family was eating away at my happiness. The layers and compartments to which I tended, the juggling of selves – it was wearing me out, rubbing all sides raw. I was sick of hiding magazines under my bed, sick of sneaking boys in through the window, sick of announcing in the school hallway anytime my mom came to visit, ‘You guys, my mom is outside and she’s coming in. I’m NOT GAY. OKAY?’ I wanted to feel like a complete person, to be ashamed of nothing and apologize to no one. 

‘When we get back to Seattle, I want to talk to you about something.’ She adjusted her lip liner. 

I froze, one hand covered in gel, coaxing my strands to stand. What was ‘something’? Did this mean she suspected? She looked over at me and must have known I was going to ruin any chance of us coming out of this vacation happy. Christ, who cares? I thought. Here we go. 

‘Is it about me being gay?’ There, I had said it. Boom. The pale yellow tiles in the bathroom looked the color of sick. I felt nauseous. It was over. Out of the bag. Neon lights. Phase two. Lady, it’s official, your boy is a big fag. She paused, set down her brush, and extricated herself from the bathroom. I followed and sat next to her on the stiff bed. My father lay on one side, silent and watching TV. ‘Is that what you meant?’ I said. 

‘Is that what you wanted to talk about?’ Her eyes were seeing atrocities on an invisible horizon. ‘Mom, I’ve always been like this.’ 

‘Jason,’ she said, just under her breath. ‘Your father is trying to watch the news.’ We sat through the overblown Michael Crawford show, none of us able to focus on the stage. My parents ordered a bottle of wine at the table; it was the first time I saw either of them have a drink in about ten years. Dad was quiet and went back to the room after it was finished. Mom and I walked ‘to get ice cream.’ We paced and hissed, raising our voices in front of a buzzing food court. ‘It’s a death sentence,’ she said. ‘What did we do to make this happen?’ At one point: ‘I’m never going to have grandchildren!’

‘People do that now sometimes,’ I said between spoonfuls of Häagen-Dazs. ‘Mom, I can totally have kids.’ ‘Over my dead body!’ she shot back. 

We all flew back the next day and didn’t speak. On the way to drop me off at my dorm, we stopped at a gas station and my mom went inside to pay. My father faced forward as the car idled and the wipers swiped off the drizzle. ‘Dad? Are you okay?’ 

He glanced at me in the rearview mirror and gave one small shake of his head, eyes back on the windshield. ‘We’re simply devastated, Jason.’ (via)

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YouTube Links:
::: Scissor Sisters - Laura: WATCH/LISTEN
::: Scissor Sisters - Comfortably Numb: WATCH/LISTEN

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Dear Mama, by Armistead Maupin (1977)

Armistead Maupin spent half his life writing his coming-out letter to his mother which he finally - rather than sending it to her - sent to the San Francisco Chronicle. Readers cut out the column, put their names on the bottom and sent it to their own parents. Maupin's father - an avid Republican living in North Carolina - replied weeks later with the note: "Dear Teddy, As you know your mother is very ill, so any additional stress can only exacerbate the situation. Love, Daddy." (via).



Dear Mama,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. Every time I try to write you and Papa I realize I'm not saying the things that are in my heart. That would be OK, if I loved you any less than I do, but you are still my parents and I am still your child.
I have friends who think I'm foolish to write this letter. I hope they're wrong. I hope their doubts are based on parents who love and trust them less than mine do. I hope especially that you'll see this as an act of love on my part, a sign of my continuing need to share my life with you. I wouldn't have written, I guess, if you hadn't told me about your involvement in the Save Our Children campaign. That, more than anything, made it clear that my responsibility was to tell you the truth, that your own child is homosexual, and that I never needed saving from anything except the cruel and ignorant piety of people like Anita Bryant.
I'm sorry, Mama. Not for what I am, but for how you must feel at this moment. I know what that feeling is, for I felt it for most of my life. Revulsion, shame, disbelief — rejection through fear of something I knew, even as a child, was as basic to my nature as the color of my eyes (...). (via)



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The moments that capture your love (Kodak, 2016)

Kodak's short film "Understanding" was given The Washington Reader's 2016 award for "Best Motion Ad of the Year". The motion ad that is "nothing short of stunning" was directed by Terry Rayment with cinematography by Kate Arizmendi (via).



Kodak points out that it "poignantly depicts the transformational power of love and happiness" (via).



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"What about giving me one (an Oscar) for playing a straight man?" Ian McKellen

The lack of diversity (i.e. concerning gender and ethnicity/skin tone) in the film industry is currently more openly discussed. Ian McKellen has joined the discussion and recently pointed out that the issue is a wider one (via). In fact, openly gay men and women have won the Oscar before coming out, not while they were out (via).

“No openly gay man has ever won the Oscar; I wonder if that is prejudice or chance.” Ian McKellen

“If you are trying to have a career, as a black or Hispanic actor in a state – California – where white people are now the minority, and you are being judged by an Academy where the vast majority are white, male, middle-aged and old … well, perhaps that is the wrong yardstick.”
Ian McKellen

McKellen expressed sympathy with black actors and actresses who were angry that they were "being ill-treated and underestimated" (via):
“The fact that black people feel underrepresented in studio movies and big movies…well, it’s what women thought for a long time. It’s what gay people like myself still think. And it’s a legitimate complaint and the Oscars has become the focus of those worries. So I sympathize.”
Ian McKellen

His response to Tom Hanks, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Sean Penn having won best actor Oscars for playing gay men:
"How clever, how clever. What about giving me one for playing a straight man?" (via).

“My speech has been in two jackets … ‘I’m proud to be the first openly gay man to win the Oscar.’ I’ve had to put it back in my pocket twice.”
Ian McKellen



photographs via and via

The Closet

"Who am I to judge on gay people?", Pope Francis in July 2013.

Being open about one's sexual orientation at the workplace is a decision that needs to be made every time gay people meet new colleagues, clients, suppliers, etc. It is not an easy decision as coming out of the closet can lead to homophobic harassment and bullying. On the other hand, those who are not able to come out feel that they expend enormous amounts of energy on avoiding being outed with negative effects on their performance and integration. In fact, being forced to lie about one's private life and hide certain personal aspects can lead to isolation in the long term (Miles, 2011).





Miles, N. (2011) Straight Allies. How they help create gay-friendly workplaces. Stonewall Workplace Guides; photos: New York 1974 via and via